Pain-Changer

I feel that recently, I am changing emotionally.  I may be able to credit some of this to my physical change. I have developed bursitis of the hip and have had chronic pain for about 9 months now.  Something about the stabbing reminder of pain every day makes you re-evaluate what is important in life.   

I used to constantly dream about who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.  Now, I find myself settling in to a happiness I've never felt before.  I think the word is content.  This is a concept that has been lost to me my entire life.  I have been through rocky relationships (putting it mildly) and have had many other ups and down in life.  I am a hopeless dreamer to the core, always on the hunt for the next thing that will make me happy.  And always feeling let down by it when I reach it. 

Recently, I find myself looking at my husband with even more affection, looking at our house with even more appreciation and looking at our 5 pets with even more love, if that's possible.  I'm more grateful for my friends and family in my life.  And, the biggest one (drum roll please), I am finally ready to expand our family.  I've always had excuses before or come up with reasons to wait and it was all out of fear and that overwhelming feeling to keep doing more.  Now, simply, I just want to be a mom.  And, along with my husband, provide a stable, fun and loving life to a child.  I am shocked at the calmness at this prospect when it used to send chills up my spine.  I know you can never be fully ready for what lies ahead, but with my heart completely open, it won't be nearly as scary.  And when you can be thankful every day for what you DO have instead of dreaming about what you don't, you reach the magical world of contentment for which I've, ironically, always strived.